Read my story
“In 2001 my life as I knew it changed forever when I found myself totally blindsided and on the separation roller coaster, experiencing first hand, the emotional trauma and stress, and how the increasing animosity and tension affected my family. I had no idea how to handle the situation, and once I was caught up in the legal system, felt like there was no way out. Not knowing how long this complex issue would continue, nor how much money this would end up costing me. Two years and tens of thousands of dollars later, my divorce and property settlement were finalised. I was emotionally and physically exhausted and my self confidence and self-esteem was at the lowest ebb.
I asked myself afterwards – How much of this was driven by the parties involved out of ignorance and the desire for retribution? There was never a question for a win/ win for the contenders just a battle of wits and vengeance played off between the solicitors, the result of which was a financial win for themselves. The solicitors became engaged in their own tactical legal moves, we were no longer even required. The only connection to us were our names on the legal documents and of course to pay the ongoing costs. My ex-husband and I could no longer communicate as a result of all the animosity and nasty play which had taken place. Little did we know at the time what affect this would have on our entire family and how difficult it would be to be around each other during future family events.
Was the long protracted fight worth it? Would the emotional and financial outcomes have been different if the legal warfare had not been part of the mix? What effect would the deterioration of communications between family members have into the unforeseeable future? Had the unexpected amount of legal fees been worth it?
I knew then that there had to be a better way to separate, less expensive, while maintaining self-esteem, dignity and confidence in order to achieve the outcomes you want and deserve, including focusing on the whole family for a civil and decent outcome for everyone.
The process taught me a lot… about myself, about the litigation path, about the ‘rules’ of negotiation, and about the issues facing anyone going through separation and divorce.
My biggest learnings were that there is, in family law, a weighting system which we all fall under but it is not made as clear as perhaps it should. With that knowledge you can quickly ascertain that going to court won’t change what you are entitled to. No amount of arguing and debate shifts your true rights. Solicitors are not the bad guys they are also working within the family law rules of engagement. Your solicitors cannot talk directly with your ex-partner and yourself to discuss outcomes and possible scenarios. There was no one out there who could manage the whole process unbiasedly for everyone concerned.
What I had wanted was someone who could have assisted me with the everyday problems of the separation, work out the logistics, assist and organise the gathering of information, attend legal appointments as a support person, brainstorm options for outcomes, keep the communications between my ex and myself civil.
When I started Act4Tomorrow it was to create a company who could manages the whole process from break-up to final outcome of legal documentation. As efficiently and cost effectively to save everyone involved the lengthy drawn out process which wouldn’t cost the earth.
Now it has become my passion to pioneer a change in our society in regards to avoiding the necessity to battle through your separation. Today with the acceptance of separation, single parenting and blended families, a one stop shop who works with both parties to achieve a settlement which will benefit all. Achieved last year, affiliations with like-minded solicitors is seeing my dream of the ‘round table’ for couples who wish to keep their matter simple and straightforward a reality.
It’s often said that hindsight is 20/20 vision. Many people I have spoken to who have been through a separation and divorce, wish they had known earlier what they learnt after the process – they say they would have done things differently.
I invite you to read through some of my client feedback – these are just ordinary people, like you and me – who have found that this system works.”
Alvia CEO of Act4Tomorrow – Separate without Breaking